Clever Sleazoid
by xXBecause-X's-Make-It-EmoXx
Summary: Dir en Grey fic. Everyone knows that Kyo hates being called cute by his fans, but no one knew that he liked it when someone else said it.
1. Clever Sleazoid

Hello, my loyal fans! No, I am not dead, and no, I am not just adding on more chapters to my Q&A fic. I'm actually here, coming up with plots. Promise.

So, I recently got into both the GazettE and Dir en Grey, and after reading a few fics and watching a couple interviews, I got the urge to make a nice little Diru fic starring Kyo. Enjoy!

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"I…am not…CUTE!" Kyo yelled out his window for perhaps the tenth time that morning. No one was likely to hear him since he was a good five stories up, at one of the PSC buildings, and it was four in the morning, but he really didn't care. He needed an anger outlet and yelling seemed to be the best one at the present time. "And I'm certainly not kawaii, either!" He said, just for good measure, before slamming the window shut and flopping down on his bed with a sigh.

"Stupid fangirls…" He rolled onto his side, trying to get comfortable. "And their stupid fandoms…" He rolled onto his other side. "And their stupid, incessant screeching of 'just how CUUUUUTE' I am!" He concluded, squirming on the bed angrily and eventually falling off onto the cold floor two feet below. He grumbled some more about "stupid fangirls" before curling up and falling asleep again.

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When Kyo woke up, the sun was beating down harshly, and the sounds of bustling people and car horns dinned outside. Kyo frowned, displeased. What time was it? He moved himself from his previous position on the floor, popping several joints as he did so, and after a quick stretch, stood up and glanced at the clock. It read 10:28 in bright red digital lettering. He blinked, and yawned. Another late morning.

After getting vaguely awake, and partially dressed—a long T-shirt and boxers would have to do—Kyo made his way downstairs to the kitchen. On the way, he bumped into Shinya, nearly pushing the drummer back down the stairs.

"Whoa! Hiya, Kyo." Shinya said, smiling, once he regained his balance.

"Meh." Was Kyo's response. It was way too early to chat. He merely yawned and half walked, half fell down the rest of the stairs. Shinya watched him, shaking his head.

Finally in the kitchen, Kyo started a pot of coffee, and seated himself in a chair in front of the counter as he waited for the black beans to liquefy. He watched the pot, unblinking. Drip, drip, drip. A repetitive cycle that only made Kyo more tired. He felt himself slowly losing consciousness when suddenly a hand slapped his back, startling him back into the present.

"Morning, Kyo!" Die's cheerful voice rang out in the vocalist's ear. "Didn't think you'd ever wake up. I was beginning to worry." He chuckled softly.

"S'nuffin fer you to w'rry 'bout." Kyo drawled sleepily. These late nights and sudden outbursts were really draining him. "Now lemme jus' get mah coffee an' ah be back ta n'rmal." He reached lazily across the counter for the pot of black liquid and took a deep drag from it, not bothering himself with getting up to fetch a cup. He knew it burned his tongue and lips, but he couldn't feel it. Years of self-abuse had taught him that pain was practically non-existent.

Die went around the counter and pulled a mug down from one of the cabinets, then returned, seating himself in the chair beside Kyo. "Share the wealth, eh?" He said, holding the mug out.

Kyo glared at Die, then the white ceramic he held, then back to Die. "…meh." He poured half of what was left into the mug, and then returned to scorching himself awake. Die nodded, a gesture of thanks, and slowly sipped the coffee in silence.

Toshiya ran through the kitchen, giggling, followed by a whining Shinya in what Kyo and Die believed to be a game of tag, then all was quiet. Minutes went by, and between the two men, the coffee was downed. There was an awkward silence, then Kyo spoke up, considerably more sober after his morning caffeine.

"Die…do you think I'm cute?" He asked, staring off somewhere, completely missing Die's quiet choke and the soft pink that had appeared in his cheeks.

"Well, that just depends on what you mean by cute, I guess…" Die trailed off.

"Attractive." Kyo said, unblinkingly.

Die choked again. "Um…well, I…" Die tried to speak clearly and intelligently, but it ended up being embarrassed babble. "I-I guess…maybe…"

Kyo looked at Die out of the corner of his eye. "What's the matter? It's a yes or no question." He noticed Die's blush and frowned, slightly confused.

"Well, it's just that…you _are_ cute." Die saw Kyo start to pout. "But, but, it's a good cute! I mean, if I was gay, I'd do you!" Die cursed at himself in his mind at his analogy, while Kyo stared blankly. "You…you would?" The blonde asked hesitantly.

"Uhhh, y-yeah. Sure. But, that's beside the point." Die said, trying to brush off the subject.

Kyo looked down, and bit his lower lip in thought. "You know" he said, finally, "If I was gay…I'd let you do me." He turned away from Die, refusing to let him see his reddening face.

Die was stunned. He meant what he said as a joke, but it looked like Kyo really meant that.

Another awkward silence took its toll before Toshiya broke it. "Hey, guys! What's up?" He asked, walking up to the counter, Shinya's drumsticks in his back pocket. He looked from Kyo to Die. "You get in a fight, or something?" He grinned.

"No, we didn't." Kyo said, regaining his calm composure. "We were just talking is all." He stood up and walked out of the room, pretending like nothing happened.

Toshiya watched him go, unsure. "Yeah, right. Something's up, I know. I _always_ know. Now what is it, Die-Die?"

"Like Kyo said, we were just talking. Nothing more." Die smiled fakely then got up and followed Kyo, leaving Toshiya alone.

"Lie all you want, Die. I'll eventually find out what's up," Toshiya promised himself before Shinya tackled him from behind.

"Gimme my drumsticks!" He yelled.

An evil smile crept across Toshiya's face. "I will, if you do something for me first…"

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Uh-oh, Toshiya's got that evil look again…that can mean only one thing: SPY TIME!

Toshiya: Oi, I'm glad you didn't mention my teeth in there anywhere.

Shinya: Yup. She knew you'd mention them here in the note.

Toshiya: …dangit!


	2. Hydra

"Welcome back, DigAXig!" is what I hope to hear, but, what with school, and jobs and other things, has anyone really missed me at all? Oh well.

Thanks to a very kind reviewer, I'm continuing this fic. If you're lucky, I just may add in some other PSC characters…

Miyavi: Miyavi desu. :B 

Keke... :D

Also, I really have no idea what order the songs, CDs, or anything really happened. I have no chronological basis whatsoever. So, basically, don't get upset that I write things out of order, please?

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Kyo sat on the edge of his bed, pen and worn-out notebook in hand. He had so many words buzzing around in his head, but he just couldn't get them to flow onto the blank paper. At the top of the page, the single word Hydra was scrawled in unpracticed English. He stared at the word, each letter individually as an equal, then carefully traced over the original word, making it a bold print. He bit at the edge of his mouth, trying to clear his mind to no avail. Finally, he flung the notebook across the room against the wall, where it then fell to the floor, half-open and silent. He contemplated tossing the pen for good measure, but decided against it, dropping it on the nightstand as he climbed back up to the head of the bed.

"Tired…" he whined to himself. "…And stupid." He concluded, flopping his head down into one of the pillows, and growling in an exasperated manner. He looked back up, glaring at the wooden headboard for a few seconds, then thought back to earlier that morning in the kitchen with Die. He couldn't believe that he just admitted to that sort of thing. "I would let you do me _if_ I was gay", Kyo said, emphasizing the 'if' in particular. "Yeah…_if_." He sunk back down into the pillow, mentally beating himself up.

A knock on Kyo's door brought him back to his senses. "Go away, whoever you are." Kyo half-mumbled through the pillow. It didn't matter who it was. He was NOT accepting any visitors right now.

"It's me, Kyo", Die's soft voice responded beyond the door. "Can I come in?"

Kyo looked up without removing his head from the pillow, and slowly shifted his gaze to door, weighing the odds of letting the guitarist in his room. "Come in, Die." He sighed, finally giving in.

The door clicked open, and Die let himself in, smiling until he saw Kyo laying in his "I've-got-writer's-block-and-you're-not-helping" position, flat on the bed. He noticed the notebook, now half-hidden behind the door. Die shut the door, picked up the book, and flipped through it. He stopped on the last written page, confused by the English text. "Kyo", he half-asked.

No reply.

"In the middle of a song, I see…" Die continued, loud enough for Kyo to hear, but not quite loud enough for him to care. "Any way I can help?" He was relieved to see Kyo look up, albeit his lower lip protruded, slightly pouting.

"I guess you could help." Kyo yawned. "If you could finish up the song for me. I'm too much of an anarchist to do anything about it." He closed his eyes, trying to sleep propped up on his elbows.

Die laughed. He didn't know the first thing about writing songs. "Well, then, I guess I wanna be an anarchist, too."

Kyo opened his eyes and tilted his head, peering over at Die, intrigued. "Say that again."

Die grinned, confusedly. "Uhh…I wanna be an anarchist, too?" He shook his head slightly, silently questioning what was so interesting about this phrase.

"I wanna be an anarchist, too…I wanna be an anarchist, too…" Kyo mulled over the words several times, finally settling on a quick-paced rhthym, and a low pitch. "Perfect!" He exclaimed, suddenly, making the confused-as-ever Die jump. He grabbed the notebook from the guitarist's hands and quickly scribbled in the words, grinning happily.

Die couldn't understand the short vocalist's intentions, but he never questioned Kyo. He got a bit…"off" when his motives were put into question. "Is that the entire song, Kyo?" Die asked, frowning at the mostly blank sheet of paper.

"Of course not!" Kyo spat back. "But it's a good start, don't you think?" His anger instantly melted to a peaceful joy. He was silent for a few seconds, then spoke in sharp and cut-off words, "Thanks, Die."

It took the brunette a second to understand what the blonde had said, but when he did, he grinned stupidly. "Yeah, you're welcome."

A long, nervous silence.

"So, how about we go downstairs and hang out with the others?" Die asked, getting up and walking to the door.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Kyo closed his notebook, and followed Die downstairs, still mulling over the simple lyrics in his head.

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"Hey, Kyo! Are you okay, cuz you didn't seem okay. I mean, you kinda just stormed off to your room, and we all didn't know what was up, so we drew lots to see who was gonna figure out what was wrong with you, and so Die went up and me and Kaoru bet that he wouldn't come back down alive, and--" Shinya babbled on and on, not even pausing for breath. "But you're okay, riiiiight?" He finally inhaled.

Kyo blinked. He had been at the foot of the staircase for about half a minute listening to Shinya's rant because the drummer had a tendency to take up an entire hallway (How, Kyo still couldn't figure out). So, when he was sure that the younger man was finished, he forced a mock grin, and rushed past Shinya without so much as a simple explanation, Die following close behind.

Shinya pouted. No one ever explained things to him, even when it was an important situation like finding out what was going on between Kyo and Die so he could get back his beloved drumsticks. No matter; he'd get the truth out, even if it killed him…well, hopefully not _kill_ him, but if it came down to it, why not?

Kyo and Die made their way to the living room where they seated themselves on opposites sides of the couch, across the room from Kaoru who read the morning's paper and drank room-temperature coffee. The man never had been much of a "morning" person. He was more of a "between that time you wake up and the time you eat lunch" person.

Kaoru flipped through the pages and sipped his coffee quietly, then chuckled softly. He looked up to Kyo for the first time that morning and spoke in a playful, but deadly serious voice.

"There's an article in here that may interest you, Kyo."

Kyo didn't move, but he was listening intently. Toshiya, curious, peered into the room from the small window in the secondary living room.

"Says that a woman gave birth to a pair of dead twins." Kaoru continued. "'Cause of death: strangulation of the umbilical cords of one another.' …It's like they murdered one another with their own life-support, eh?" He grimaced at the thought, then went back to his coffee.

Kyo laughed out loud, and didn't try to cover it. The rest of the band was used to his morbid humor. "Save that one, Kaoru. Oh, and any pictures about it, too." He grinned, earning a hardly noticeable shudder from Die.

Toshiya shuddered and made a disgusted sound. "So…those babies were just…born dead." He bit his lower lip, trying not to be sick.

"Yeah, here's a picture." Kaoru nonchalantly turned the paper so Toshiya got a full view of the gruesome photo.

"Oh! Oh…oh god!" Toshiya couldn't hold back the oncoming vomit and rushed from the room. Pained, dry heaves could be heard from the bathroom for the next few minutes before Shinya had the courtesy to close the door, completely muting the noise.

Kyo could not stop laughing. This moment was just too priceless. He needed a way to remember the event. He ran back through the conversation in his head, finally stopping at the words "born dead".

"Hmm…I think I like that." He thought aloud. "Born dead, born dead, dead born, born dead…no, dead born is better." He nodded, and opened his lyric notebook to his new song and wrote in the next few words. "Thanks, Totchi-kun!" Kyo called out sarcastically to the still-sick bassist.

Die covered his face with his hand. "Are you really using that as the words to your song?"

"Well, why not? If you like how it sounds, why shouldn't you use it?" Kyo retorted.

Kaoru merely shook his head as he finished with the paper. "You've got a sick sense of humor, Kyo." A sigh. "That's why we love you…I guess."

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Afternoon rolled by lazily, bringing with it the sounds of other PSC bands practicing their new songs and goofing off in the rec. rooms. There was laughter, and very somber singing, often broken by a non-sequitor interjection, and if one listened closely enough, you could hear the strained words 'momiji manjuu' followed by a tinny note or two on a guitar.

Kyo was in the recording room marked 'Dir en grey' in red pen, messing around with the soundboard when Die walked in casually and sat in the chair beside Kyo's.

"Whatcha doing?" Die asked, scanning over the many buttons and switches.

"Editing our music…" Kyo replied, seemingly far-off. "It's not quite what I want it to be, you know…?" He played through a sample, toggled a switch or two, amplified a couple parts, then frowned and reversed the process, unsatisfied.

Die watched Kyo, thinking over what he was doing. 'Well, what if you did this?" He flicked a switch and pulled down a few of the keys then played the sample again. He grinned when he saw Kyo nod his head, thinking it over. "So?" he hoped for a good answer.

"I like it…" Kyo frowned, then turned to face the guitarist. "Have you done this sort of thing before?" He questioned Die, suddenly remembering a few incidents when one of their songs had been edited—for the better—and neither Kyo nor Kaoru had been the one to do it.

Die looked away from Kyo, avoiding his eyes. "Well…yes…" He winced, anticipating the pain that would soon be inflicted on him. He was shocked when he heard Kyo laughing and looked back, his face contorted into an expression of pure confusion.

"That's great, Die! You did a good job, you know!" Kyo was unnaturally happy about the incident to which effect, Die was relieved. "Way better than me…I couldn't edit my way out of a box, right?" Kyo playfully poked Die, who flinched from the contact. Kyo immediately stopped laughing, and shifted his attention to the spot he poked Die. "Say…" he grinned, knowingly. "You wouldn't be _ticklish_, would you?"

Die shook his head viciously. "No! No! Of course not! Why would _I_ be ticklish, right?" He subtly covered his sides with his arms. "Whatever gave you that crazy thought, eh?" He laughed nervously.

"Because, Die…" Kyo skillfully snaked his finger between Die's arm and his side and ever so gently twitched his finger, making the brunette jump. "You _are_ ticklish." And with that, he pounced onto the unwilling guitarist, tickling over every spot he could reach, earning uncontrollable laughter from the defenseless man beneath him.

"S-stop it, Kyo!" Laugh. "Quit it! Come on, stop!" Another laugh.

"But you're enjoying it, Die! Look at you, you're laughing!" Kyo couldn't help but giggle. Die was just far too cute when he was tickled. His usually emotionless eyes, squinted just so slightly out of happiness; his dark, somber face, made light by the incoherent laughter and half-sentences he tried to speak; his perfect lips, always closed, finally parted into a joyful smile. Kyo half-laughed, half-sighed as he got an interesting idea. He leaned in close to Die's face and stopped moving his fingers so Die could speak without having to stop to laugh.

"I'll stop if you do me a little favor," Kyo said.

"Anything! Just quit tickling me" Die responded, frowning as he saw Kyo grin almost maniacally.

"Kiss me."

Die's heart skipped a beat. Kiss Kyo? Granted, he'd wanted to accept that offer for who knows how long, but now? Just like this? He glanced up to the door. Locked. There was no one outside, either, since it was nearly lunchtime. He looked back to Kyo, took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. "Alright. I'll do it. But, this won't get out to anyone, okay?" Die was dead serious.

"Right. Got it." Kyo smirked. He loved it when things went his way. He moved off of Die and sat back in the chair in front of him, waiting with that smirk plastered to his face.

Die sat up and sighed again. Another glance outside. Another mental battle with himself. Then, he moved close to Kyo. "Remember, no one finds out about this."

"I got it, Die. Now, if you would." He pointed to his mouth, impatient.

Die set his hands on Kyo's shoulders, paused, then leaned in and gave Kyo a quick kiss on the lips. As soon as he did, he pulled back, embarrassed. He couldn't make eye contact with Kyo. "…Was that good enough?" he asked, hoping for a yes.

Kyo was giggling as if he were on lithium. "Yes, that was fine, Die." He wished that Die had gone just a bit further, though. "I guess you're free to go…"

Die sighed, half-relieved, half-disheartened. "Right. Well…okay then." He stood, and stepped over to the door. "Guess I'll be going--"

"I'll go with you!" Kyo stood up and smiled. "There's nothing else for me to do in here, anyway." Die nodded, and stepped outside, Kyo following behind. The two walked the hallway for a ways when a thought crossed Die's mind. "Kyo…why did you want me to kiss you?"

Almost immediately, Kyo had an answer. "If Sid Vicious can do it, so can I! Besides, who wouldn't want those perfect lips pressed against their own?" He smiled, cat-like as he saw Die begin to blush.

Shinya and Toshiya peered from around a corner as they heard the recording room door open, and had heard the entire conversation, the two frowning over the word 'kiss'.

"Sid Vicious?" Shinya asked, unaware of who the illustrious guitarist was.

Toshiya frowned, not liking where that conversation had gone. "Suspicious…"

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Jesus Christ Read'n Review:3

(A/N): Er…I don't actually know if Sid Vicious kissed his fellow bandmates. I kinda just threw that in so it would work. If you have any information, please tell me. I won't change the fic (probably just say that Kyo was thinking of the wrong person), but at least I'll feel better. Thank you. :B


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